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Deviant for 9 Years
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Literature
Chapter Two of the Deviant Art Odyssey
    Her seatmate's skin was gray traced with golden designs, his hair wafted around his head as though underwater, and his eyes did not blink as he studied her.  "Who are you?" she asked, but before he could answer the vinyl underneath her blistered and disintegrated and a city flared up around them, towers beaming into the dark as neon rainbows swiveled into place just above eye level.
    "Tokyo," she realized.
    "So many mortals," the gray man mused.  "Is it even possible to save them all?"  He reached out to touch the head of a passing child, fingers shining with an ominous light, and she threw herself in his way.  Before her eyes could follow he'd moved and reappeared behind her, breath warm against her ear.  "Who am I?" he asked mockingly.
    "The devil," she accused.  He turned to the nearest mortal, a woman, and reached again.
 
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Literature
What Do You Do Then?
What if I don't?
I know I'm supposed to
I know it'd be smarter to
I know it's what you've always wanted for me.
But what if I don't?
I don't think it would be that bad.
I've never wanted this
I've never loved this
I don't have anything to prove to anybody.
And if I didn't?
It'd be harder.
It'd be more work, more effort, more hours lost
and you would never understand.
What if what you want isn't what's best for you
but it's still what you want?
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Literature
The Heart Remembers
Flying high
reaching beyond you
I am greater and greater and greater still.
My heart is so full of beauty I no longer hurt for you
my head so full of words even your name is being slowly obliterated.
I will forget who you were to me.
What you meant to me.
I will forget what we said to each other
I will forget your eyes,
your smile,
the twist in your gaze that made you seem endless
when it was really just a blind corner,
shallow and deceptive.
But I will never forget what it felt like when you hurt me.
The mind is easily reset;
the uneraseable memories are in the heart.
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Literature
Degrees of Separation
It never mattered to me
not the way it mattered to you.
I was following you with my eyes
with my words,
with my thoughts,
and you brushed me away
unable to care
unable to reciprocate
unable to explain why.
Which is the greater fault?
You were not honest with yourself
and so you were not honest with me.
Do you know what that day was like?
Being told by someone else?
Do you know how betrayed I felt
not that you had finally come clean
but that I had to hear it through the grapevine?
That's when I knew I was nothing to you.
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Literature
Not Brave
Please understand that
'trust' is a type of courage
I know nothing of.
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Literature
New Face
Your surprise is a surprise.
Yeah, I'm still pretty.
I love how you looked at me.
Yeah, I'm still happy.
Turns out I didn't need you.
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Literature
Equals
You're beautiful.
You know it; I know it
and the girls orbiting you
know it, too.
You're the Disney Prince
sharing yourself like private sunlight
doled out to the poor hopefuls
starving for your smile.
But you didn't recognize me at first last night
and now I know why.
You haven't seen the new me
so let me introduce you.
First of all, you need to know
that I am beautiful, too.
I figured that out just recently
but now that I know, I'm getting prettier every day.
Second, I should tell you
that I am smart.
I've found what my heart wants most
and I'm going to get it.
Last, I am bright, too.
You glow like the stars
but I burn like fire
and my colors are even more beautiful.
So now I am not another girl in orbit
hoping for your light.
I shed my own
and we are equals.
Two suns in the universe, so close together;
will you dance with me?
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Literature
Recognize Me
I did not understand that look.
So often you and I look at each other
so often I have seen your eyes
in every mood, every light.
I would recognize them anywhere.
But I did not understand that look.
It was both inside and outside,
light and dark,
like you were communing with yourself
but still seeing me
still speaking with your eyes.
And I wonder what it means
that I have seen this strange contrariness.
You considered me, I think
and also something else I cannot guess at
compared them or mixed them
or both together
and I begin to think that that moment
was the first time I saw past your eyes
the first time your eyes were open to me
and into you.
I think now I know
what you really look like.
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Literature
Nevermore
I miss you.
I miss talking to you.
I miss being with you.
I miss looking for reasons to see you, to text you,
to ask you to lunch.
I miss your smile
your laugh
and the way getting your texts
made me feel.
But we cannot exist together
so we must find a way to exist apart
touching only at the edges,
no longer close but still lingering on the outskirts
of each other's lives
wondering if we'll get invited back in
wondering if that would be best.
Because truthfully, I don't miss you as much
as I thought I would.
I miss you like I miss a friend
I don't share as much with now
as I used to.
I miss you like I miss a familiar routine,
finding my day lacking
when you are not in it.
But it doesn't hurt.
I don't cry
and I don't obsess.  It just is.
And I miss thinking I loved you
Because now I know
that I never did.
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Literature
Maturity
Can you reach for something bigger than yourself?
Can you dream even the wildest thing?
Can you plan a plan
that can never, ever possibly work?
Can you?
Can you still?
A child can.
A pre-teen, maybe.
But have you 'matured'?
Have you become the next generation of 'the grown-ups'?
Have you seen something beautiful lately?
Have you viewed the world upside-down?
Have you seen the bright blue of the sky
and dreamed of flying?
Of course you haven't.
There is no time for all of that now.
Those things belong to a past of carefree, younger days.
These days, you need to make money
and eat, and pay the rent.
Who has time for dreams?
Where now are the ponies,
the rainbows,
the scribbles of ballerinas,
astronauts,
and flowers unfolding
under the light of a purple sun?
The world has grown up.
The world has no need of things like that.
And Superman is no longer invited
to your birthday party.
Perhaps you haven't given up.
Perhaps you just dream of other things, now.
Ponies and astronauts and purple s
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Literature
Wish You Cared
Look at me.
Look up and look at me so that I can look at you.
You feel so far from me
and it doesn't feel right to be the only one watching
feels so lonely to be the only one who cares
and I don't how much longer I can try not to stare
waiting for you to look at me.
Wish I were a beauty
a magnet for your eyes.
I wish you could see through me
and strip away all my lies.
It really isn't fair
to keep me over here
so look at me,
I'll come to you
and find out if you care.
A glance will make my day,
but if all you do is look away
you leave me to the pain
inside myself.
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Literature
Last Words
Even if I lose you forever
even if all we have is now
even if I die tomorrow
I'll come back for you somehow.
Just this just now just here
this is enough.
Surely you know that
this is enough
you are enough
it is enough to have something to carry with me when I leave
a love to follow me with her eyes as I got to my fate
a tear shed for me.
I cannot say I love you
it would only hurt you more when I am gone.
I can only say I'll be thinking of you
and maybe that is still too much.
I'm fighting for you today
that, even if I fall you may have a better life.
Be safe, my loved one.
Be safe.
The battle is quiet;
the noises of death do not reach my ears.
I am still with you in that moment
quiet in that moment
dying in that moment
as I die here.
It no longer matters.
The sky is smoke and the air is acid
and my life is drifting away like the wind
but I can still see you
still hear you
the gift of your love
is still with me
sustaining me until I can draw another breath
just enough air to leave your
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Literature
Absolutely
There is no here or there,
no this or that,
no then or now.
There is no hot or cold,
no black or white,
no life or death.
There is only the grey area,
only a combination of things
that should destroy each other,
but don't.
A combination of things
that cannot exist in the same space
but do.
Because there is no can,
there is no can't.
And when you understand this,
you will be able to understand
that there is no understanding.
There is only this.
There is only now.
This moment is all you have,
and all you will ever be given.
Make it what it needs to be.
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Literature
Missing You
You're fading in my mind
like a picture from a dream
and the longer I try to hold on
the harder I try
try
to hold on
you slip away.
I now recognize you only
in the turn of a head,
the flick of a hand,
gestures that are you
but always belong to someone else.
I run after them, calling for you,
but the face that turns
the gaze that catches me
is wrong.
"Can I help you?"
Wrong.  All wrong.
Wrong voice.
Wrong puzzled expression.
Wrong uncertain stance.
"Yes" I want to say,
but can't.
To say so would be a lie
and I can't lie in that moment,
with you so fresh in my mind.
You hated it when
I lied.
I walk on.
I wait for you.
I listen for you.
I watch for you.
So many times I am mistaken
so many false alarms
so many you's out there
that are not you.
But I have to keep trying.
I have to keep watching
because somehow, I know-
instinctively, I know-
that when I am no longer watching
when I no longer see
I'll lose you.
You'll pass me in the crowd
feet away
and I am oblivious
or you'll fade
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Literature
Shades
How can I be happy today?
How can I enjoy today?
It has been given to me
painted in shades of disappointment
and I cannot see the true colors beneath them.
It is all my fault, and there can be no consolation.
For you, for me, for everyone,
I have failed.
And no matter how many know it or not
the world is less because of it today.
I cannot fix this, I cannot set it right.
Time has wronged me, torn me away
from a few seconds that I desperately need.
What could I have done?
What could I have said?
So many answers to questions
we will never know.
This has happened before, I know
but I cannot remember the steps to take
the thoughts to think
the things to do
in order to bring the sun out again.
I just want to hide in a corner
and wait for the light to appear all on it's own.
Come back to me.
I am more lost than I have ever been
and if there was ever a time I needed you,
it is now.
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Literature
Version
You can't stand me
because you don't know who you are
but I know myself.
You have failed, but I have won
everything you ever wanted.
You can't stand me
because I am the bright darkness
the hiding seek-er
the sunny night
the contradiction.
You can't stand me-
I am the doubt, the warning, the instinct.
I am the dream you have forgotten
but cannot let go.
I am all the music, everywhere.
You can't stand me
because I talk like you, walk like you-
I look like you, but I am not you.
I am the version of yourself
you didn't have the courage
to be.
And you can't stand me
because you can't stand yourself.
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deviantID

lethelen
shannon
United States
Yeah, you know that movie with the cannibal in it, the Hannible Lector guy?  I hven't actaully seen it, but apparently there's a part of the movie where he saws through some guys' skull and eats his brain?  I used the same kind of saw just now, and was encouraged to actually put my hand against the blade.  *this was the bit with the near-heart attack, in case you were wondering*  I didn't do it, of couirse- saw+on button+putting your hand against the blade=no, for me- but I saw it done and the blade doesn't actually cut you.  

Yeah, right.

So I'm still not sure on whether or not I'm going to try that any time soon, since I'm torn between 'living in the moment' and getting a heart transplant at a later date because of all of this angst or being a wuss and enjoying a long, fulfilling, stress-free life.  Hmmm...
  • Listening to: Avatar
  • Reading: Wicked (still)
  • Watching: Olympics! America PWNS!
  • Playing: Wii Fit
  • Eating: Oranges and PB&Js
  • Drinking: water

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:iconskarzynscy:
skarzynscy Featured By Owner May 25, 2015
Hello Shannon!
Hot thanks for adding my "Oriel" to Your fav.
In my gallery i have many others photos from interesting places (my Cracow, Praha, Menorca, Mallorca, Morocco, Rodos, Zakinthos, Sicily, Tenerife, Florida) and beautiful flowers, trees, animals etc.
Maybe You find something...
Greetings from Poland!
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:iconel-e:
el-e Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2015
happy b-day! :>
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:iconel-e:
el-e Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2014
happy birthday! :D :hug:
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:iconjaney-jane:
janey-jane Featured By Owner Oct 3, 2012
*dances for the watch* ♥
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:iconel-e:
el-e Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2012
thank you for fav:> :hug:
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:iconel-e:
el-e Featured By Owner Feb 1, 2012
happy birthday:> :hug: :party: :cake:
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:iconpingallery:
pingallery Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2012
     ♥ปจจจจจจซ•*•ปจจจจจจซ:bulletred:Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵Ʒ:bulletred:ปจจจจจจ ซ•*•ปจจจจจจซ♥

                                      :icondewnoirthanksplz::icondewnoirthanksbplz:
                                      :icondewnoirthankscplz::icondewnoirthanksdplz:
        (ฏ`♥ดฏ)จจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจ(ฏ`♥ดฏ)
        ..`•.•ด     I appreciate that you like my work!    `•.•ด..
        oฐOจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจจOฐo
                              .::THE BEST FOR YOU!::.

     ♥ปจจจจจจซ•*•ปจจจจจจซ:bulletred:Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵Ʒ:bulletred:ปจจจจจจ ซ•*•ปจจจจจจซ♥

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:iconestallidos:
estallidos Featured By Owner Jan 27, 2012   Writer
thank you for the watch!
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:iconfaestock:
faestock Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2011  Professional Photographer
Much love for watching me :heart:
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:iconcerona:
cerona Featured By Owner Nov 3, 2011  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thank you so very much for the watch, I really appreciate it :iconcocoloveplz:
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